Tag Archive | essay

Broken Summer

I’ve been waiting for his call, for his messages. It’s been Saturday when he did, and it’s already another Saturday. Well, it is Saturday morning, it’s only 7:40am. morning, but morning will turn to noon, the noon then to dusk, then it’s night again. and i know, still he wouldn’t care. he doesn’t care. he used to care about me. that’s why i like him, that’s why i love him. i told him i love him. i told him to react, he didn’t. that was a long time ago. he called after two months. he didn’t say anything about it that i had to bring it up again. it was a serious thing to talk about. love is a serious thing. and he hates serious stuff. i hated it too but i love him so i had to be serious. he should be too. but since he hates it, the serious became a joke. and we ended there, we ended where we had actually started..jokin around. foolin and bummin and laughin out loud till we drop and still joke about the most nonsensical people. now i’m the one who’s nonsensical, so he turns it into a joke..turns me into a joke.

i kept waiting for one message. a message that will never come. i know it won’t come. i won’t receive anything so i’m not gonna send anything to him either. i think its the right thing to do. coz only i get to do the things that men should do. so i wonder whether he’s really the man or i am. maybe i am, that’s why he doesn’t like me. coz i dont wear skirt or sexy tops or make up. i’m no dyke. if i was dyke, i’d like girls. i don’t. i’m tough and bitchy and i do what i want to do and the things i do always shock people and shut them up. like the way he shut up when i said i love you.

now it’s summer and it’s almost at its end. the piercing heat and freezing coldness will meet again. they always meet and chase each other. we were like that once. that’s why i envy summer and rain. but just like them too, summer loses the battle and rain begins to pour. He is rain, I am Summer and i am losing my battle now. he’s gonna pour down hard and strong and he’s not alone. tears of the rain come in millions, and when they pour, he’s gonna be with other raindrops. he’s gonna fall into the ground. he’s gonna fall with another raindrop and kiss the earth and in the cycle they will both turn into clouds and pour down again together. while Summer will return into the picture and be remembered a year after. sigh

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Eat Lunch and Sun

It’s August 28, 2008. Thursday. 12:10 noon, very hot.

It’s breaktime and my mood for lunch hasn’t dropped by yet. I ate hotdog and java rice for breakfast with lots of Heinz Ketchup. I need fries damn it. I’m listening to that (epic-fail) Home station, on the radio of course. I’m hearing this song for a good ten years and I still can’t get the title stuck onto my head. It goes like “dum duh duh duh..You’re damn free..I’m yooooursss”. Anybody have mercy on me? I need to know the title for the nth time.

I just burped and it smelled hotdog-ish. I want to eat but I’m too lazy to even get up my chair. I’m thinkin of a lot of things, and I can’t even name one thing from what I’m thinking.

I looked into the mirror and saw my eyes are smudged with blue eyeliner. My make up is slowly creating a murky abstract figure on my canvass-face. I look void despite my pimples. Yeah pimples. I hate pimples. I hate periods coz I always break out into red, fat, pimples. So now i look like a tomato sprinkled with sugar. Looks sweet but it’s never nice. Especially if you don’t like tomatoes and sugar.

My stupid phone is not ringing. or rather, my stupid best friend is not texting me. I’m going to punch him good when I see him tonight. for now, I really have no idea what I’m thinking.

Is this the proper way artists think? I think I’m being a retard.

tsk tsk tsk

tsk tsk tsk