Archive | July 2010

My Rockstar: Dear John

There’s a man that makes me happy and sad.

Happy to have him near me, loving me and taking care of me. Sad, like the saddest love song that relentlessly playing through my head, useless even if I would try to stop the music from spinning about my consciousness. We would part all the time, and all those times that I could see him go away, he’s taking a part of me with him. and I need to see him back so I could be whole again.

Whenever I see John, my blood curls to the top of my head and my hands would feel stiff and numb. And I soften up when he starts to smile at me. I feel made of wax, I could melt any minute.

“Hey love” he would say, and he keeps me in trance like Edward Cullen dazzles Bella Swan. My heart pounds out of my chest, bursting with intense thrill at the sight of him. I want to grab him and kiss him, kiss him more like time does not exist and the world owns nobody else but him and I. Thousands and millions of throbbing electricity rapidly flux unto my head to the tips of my toes.

I feel weightless and sore. And the hurt is piercing me. Needles raining on the surface of my skin, each prick sleeps and dies when his hand begins to travel about my arms and he gently hugs me. I could stay that way forever.

I could see him caressing me and kissing me in my dreams. Until my eyes pry open and this god like rockstar is still in front of me. He’s not a dream. He’s real and I could feel him. I could feel his face, his lips against my fingertips. His hands, that’s too cool and hot when I hold them back. He’s real. I could feel his body and the heat that ignites. he’s real, way too real. Even better than a sweet dream. His lips sweeter even than a love song.

He is my love song and he is a lot of words. Words that’s easy to comprehend, nonetheless, the hardest melody to sing and to memorize. But it wouldn’t be good to memorize as I want to keep him to me unread, unopened and unsung. And I will forever sing him the way I know how.

I am writing, and all I have in my head is his face, the sound of his voice, the bolts of his scream. And thinking about him makes me shiver. Makes me weak. Makes me dead. The sound of his voice brings me to life. Brings me home. Takes me to the wind, cradles me to the wide vermilion skies by the grace of the clouds. and when I fall back to earth, I would know for sure, he will catch me and hug me and kiss me and love me again.

Dear John…

I love you

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The Boyfriend: Demon Eyed Lover

If I was still single, I would have literally posted an advertisement online for prospective boyfriends. My brother said I had the most incredulous parameters for the boyfriend classifinder.

MUST:

1. love anime

2. sing anime songs

3. love cosplaying

4. love rock songs

5. be a singer

6. be a screamer

7. be a guitarist

8.be taller than me

9. be a college graduate

10. be working

11. be an artist

12. have a cool i-phone

13. be attracted to me XD

I do have this list on my journal, seriously. i must have written this like 2 years ago. After breaking up with an ex who had 7 out of 13 from the list passed. It never occurred to me at all, that one day, I will find someone else who absolutely fits.

We went out yesterday and as planned, we murdered the videoke at the Robinsons Galleria Arcade. He was singing decent songs at first, it was so sweet. Then awakened the old school (fucking wasted) rockstar in him and killed “I’ll Be There For You” by Bon Jovi.

On the seventh stanza, if I recall that correctly. He went like

I’ll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I’ll be there for you
I’d live and I’d die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can’t say what a love can do
I’ll be there for you…yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

*scream f$c%in %$#!*&^$ screech*

and he was facing the window, most fortunately, or I might have lost my hearing sense forever. He went on with the song like nothing happened and I was still aghast. I have never heard anybody screech like that, live!

I saw stars that second.

Damn, I fell in love with him more than ever.

It was devastating that we had to part right away as we have respective appointments.  rawr!

Hopefull we can meet up tomorrow at the J-Pop/Anime Singing Contest tomorrow at SM North Edsa. yay! ❤

Missing my Rockstar

I had been counting the days from the moment his hands disentangled from mine. I can see his eyes, those lovely eyes that burn through me. He makes me melt from where I stand, his kisses never abandon the feeling from my lips. I can still feel the warmth of his skin wrapped around me. The resonance of his voice, resided on my head.

I miss him.

I miss him terribly.

I miss him like I have never missed anyone before.

This is an utterly alien feeling. It feels like this is the very first time I have genuinely fallen in love with someone. The happiest moment of my existence..=)

A New Beginning

After I have broken up with my boyfriend of a year and 3 months, which I have posted in here last month..all emo and nuts..I’m coming back here, all smiles now, saying out loud to the world that once more, I have allowed myself to fall in love.

It was swift, like a spur of the moment thing. But I couldn’t care much anymore. I hadn’t told my closest friends yet of it, a little conscious of what they would think of me but certainly I will, just not now.

I was scared, a little cautious and reluctant. At the height of my desolation after my downfall, I had this little ridiculous idea in my head: online dating! It wasn’t new. I’ve joined in with a few thirty-ish thousands of prospects and hopefuls, some might just be mere perverts looking for casual sex. It was just that! Like a pool of fishes anticipating a bait, or a fisherman determined to catch the fish. whichever applies. :p

I thought:  ”should I really get down to this?”

and on second thought..”It’d be fun!”

and on third thought..”I just signed up as Luna-Song”

and I didnt write that down for you to view my profile…:p

My first three days online was incredulous. I had my inbox swelled up to 12 pages of private messages from guys wanting to chat with me, adding me up on my facebook account. I accommodated some, ignored some others who didn’t measure up to my requirements.  It was thrilling, I should say. I was getting back my confidence that..I’m still pretty and wanted. haha

I’ve met up with some of the guys nearby, became frustrated, taunted, whatever dismal feeling it could give. It was not that nice, but definitely an experience.

One night, I got this particular PM from a fellow Filipino guy who introduced himself in pure Filipino..which I didn’t entertain at first. The profile photo showed up 2 guys, making me wonder which is which. At any rate, I responded to him just to be friendly. He added me up on my YM account and chatted for the first time. And it was a first time to remember…

I had fun talking to him. The first thing I noticed was he spoke in good English. Grammar, check.  Slang, check. Tenses, check.

I was pretty keen with that one, maybe a superficial basis but it’s a fundamental requirement for me.

Hmm. Nice. Potential..friend.

Now, to find out how he looked like, I added him up on FB. I was astounded. Unpredictable. What I got was this really long haired guy that you couldn’t see his face anymore, shirtless, holding a guitar. You’re own doze of common wasted rocker, who’s fuckin wasted as hell..to quote from one of his photo comments.

I held back. Was I to go out with this guy? He looked way different from the other guys I’ve met before. Or basically, he never looked the least bit like the guys I wanted to meet up at all. Friends, yes. We can be like that, just that. I had a band too, and my guy band mates never tend to look like that. Weird.

We continued to talk, about anything sensible and stupid. We would last for hours and talk nonstop. We exchanged cellphone numbers after that. We texted the entire morning and I’ll be rushing home from the office to log online and we’ll chat..like we haven’t talked all day.

I haven’t had the chance to scrutinize myself but I already formulated a few questions that had been going inside my head for quite a while now. What the hell is going on? What am I doing? or rather, Why am I feeling that way?

I knew I had to give in to the idea that I already liked this guy, whom I have fondly learned to call my “panda”.

Little did I know..we were saying “I miss you” and worst, “I love you” and we haven’t even met each other. In my dreams, I wanted to hug him tight and kiss him.

We met personally last Saturday and watched Eclipse. Though I’ve already watched the movie prior to this. I should have known, I wouldn’t have been able to watch it the second time, as my attention was completely diverted to him.

I fell in love with the wasted guy.

And he fell in love with the cosplayer.

Details..will follow. I’m loving him for now

~Ja Ne! ❤